ONE LINERS:ONE LINERS:
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't.
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
For people who like peace and quite: a phoneless cord.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Ever stop to think...and forget to start again?
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
Dain bramaged.
Automobile: a mechanical device that runs up hills and down people.
Don't hate yourself in the morning--sleep until noon.
Earn cash in your spare time--blackmail friends.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
History does not repeat itself; historians merely repeat each other.
If you don't change your direction, you may end up where you were headed.
If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Life is what happens to you while you are planning to do something else.
Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
The road to success is always under construction.
To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.
Today is the last day of your life so far.
Wasting time is an important part of life.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
I'd insult you, but you're probably not bright enough to notice.
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
All generalizations are false, including this one.
Always remember you're unique--just like everyone else.
Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out alive.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
Heard any good one liners lately? Let us know!
Your Additions:
Nice face- want a gun? - (Myyron@aol.com 7/11/99)
If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough gas to power an ants motorcycle around a penny. - (Myyron@aol.com 7/11/99)
My software doesn't have bugs, it just develops random features. - (WyldChica9@aol.com 5/8/99)
I don't think, therefore i'm not. - (ZmbieWoof@aol.com 3/19/99)
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. - (eebarlow@raex.com 12/23/98)
Ye who laughs last, thinks slowest. - (eebarlow@raex.com 12/23/98)
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian! - (eebarlow@raex.com 12/23/98)
