Well, it's been almost two months since I wrote something original for this section, all the while filling this space up with borrowed jokes, skits, and other nonsense.  The phenomenon of site neglect is a universal one around the web site management world--so universal that I've decided to give it a name: Fuzzydog's Law of Website Neglect.

"The law" is fairly straightforward, as expressed in this formula for "wn" (website neglect):
 

I know, I know, this is as obvious as gravity, but they made a law out of that, so why can't I make a law out of this?!

As you can see, there are numerous factors that influence "the law", specifically mass, energy, inertia, velocity, and density.  Let me explain:

mass (mas) n. physical volume or bulk of a solid body.  The question to ask here is a simple one: how massive is your website, anyway?  In absolute terms, the larger the mass of your site, the more updates you as the webmaster will have to do.  In relative terms that statement doesn't hold, but we can talk about relativity later.  The point is that the force of "wn" increases proportionately with the mass of your website.  Moreover, for every webmaster there is a critical point where the mass of their site overcomes their ability to maintain it effectively.  Ever heard of "critical mass"?  Most scientists refer to critical mass as the smallest mass of a fissionable material that will sustain a nuclear chain reaction...I think of it as the smallest mass of an updatable website that can be sustained by a given webmaster.  What determines a website's critical mass?  Well, let's talk about energy...

energy (en'er-je) n. the capacity for action or accomplishment.  It is a known fact that every webmaster functions at different levels of energy at different points in time, a variable impacted by tolerance for sleep deprivation, caffeine consumption, and the like.  The force of "wn" is inversely proportional to a webmaster's level of energy, meaning that the more energy you have, the less likely your site will be neglected.  Caffeine really helps.

inertia (in-ur'she) n. the tendency of a body at rest to remain at rest or of a body in motion to stay in motion unless disturbed by an external force.  Inertia is your friend.  Once you start a site you can't slow down, because once you do "wn" begins to take hold.  The definition of inertia as given here also highlights an important point--if your webmaster's inertia just so happens to be in motion, don't disturb him/her.  I would explain further but that would lead us into a discussion on chaos theory, which frankly I'm not ready for.  For those who really need to understand chaos theory on the web, I'll just say two words: broken links.

velocity (ve-los'i-te) n. the rate of rapidity or action.  Actually, what I'm specifically referring to is "digital velocity" (i.e. how fast you can type).  A high rate of digital velocity can compensate for a lot, assuming you don't make many typos.  Along with the ability to babble endlessly about mindless topics, high digital velocity can give your audience the illusion that your site is not being neglected, when in truth it actually is.  This piece is a perfect case in point.

density (den'si-te) n. stupidity.  "wn" decreases as the webmaster's density increases.  As you can see from the formula above, this unit is squared, as I've come to learn that on the Internet, a little density really does go a long way.  I'll just leave it at that.

Class dismissed...!!!   :-)